I'm starting to dread Sundays. Isn't it supposed to be the day of rest? I for one don't feel rested by Sundays. They seem to weigh down on me, making me long for the rest of the week. Today was no better and it's placed me in an utterly somber mood.

I must say that I grow more and more uncomfortable with my situation as each week passes. I have in fact been out of school since August, with very little opportunity to "break out" into the real world. As I see it now, I am not a part of it. I currently hold a very trivial place in the grand scheme of society and I'm just not comfortable with this.

See, I always envisioned myself coming out of school and hitting the ground running. I've seen others do it right along side me. That didn't exactly happen in my case. In fact, I think I hit the ground with a resounding thud, rolling with the approximate momentum of a banana slug stumbling home from the pub. So here I stand - stationary and seemingly immobile. Needless to say, I've more than worn out my welcome at the place where I currently stand. I just can't do a thing about it, which is really the tough part to swallow.

This is not to say that I hate my job. I like the people I work with. I like the atmosphere that shines through the whole company - nevermind the store. I'm very grateful to those responsible for the opportunity that I've recently been given. It's nice to be rewarded for the hard work I've put forth over the last few years. However, this is about as far as I can go. It's an odd spot to be in, because I can't move up any further and sliding back down after my term is up is both unacceptable and detrimental to the plan. I just pray that everything will be sorted out come July.

I suppose the only way to deal with the state of things is to stay positive. Indeed, Cockburn was right when he said that "nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight". There is very little that I can do at this point other than to heed his advice and "kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight". Let's just hope that Cockburn speaks from good experience.

To quote a great Irishman: "Look, I've got to go - I'm running out of change. There's a lot of things that if I could I'd rearrange."

- Colin (invincibleironman@hotmail.com)