Today I bring you a special treat: fan-mail! That's right, someone out there is reading!

In honor of my fan, I'd like to take this moment to answer his mail. Rest assured that I will do the same for anyone else who writes in, no matter how silly the question or scathing the remark.

My fan writes:

> Dear King Koop,
>
> I'm a huge fan of your blog. I have to say that you are totally awesome. I was wondering what your
> predictions are for Wrestlemania XX?
>
> Your devoted fan,
>
> Burtonium

Well Burtonium, I haven't been watching much WWE lately. In fact, I'm about as clueless about what's going on in the WWE as Mr. Ochmonek was about what was going on next door to him. But I do have inside sources that tell me what's going to happen.

*** SUPREME SPOILER ALERT ***

Alright, so this is how things are going to go down. After the mandatory boring opening match, we see backstage footage of Mae Young going into labour. Somehow, she miraculously gives birth to Shane McMahon (fully clothed, of course) because Vince Russo is totally writing. As the second match progresses, we are given word that Shane has in fact given birth to the Big Show. Almost immediately, Big Show runs to the kitchen to bake a cake... but as he gets ready to eat it, he realizes that he has in fact created Vince McMahon from cake batter. Are you still following?

So Vince is angry with Shane again, but mainly because he's his son's grandchild now. Immediately, another McMahon family feud begins with Stephanie backing her father and Linda backing Big Show. Shane's on his own.

Elsewhere, the APA are hanging out as Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage burst onto the scene beating the stuffing out of one another. For some reason, Macho can't stop rapping and Hogan can only say the word "brother". The fight continues until the Ultimate Warrior shows up and absorbs Hogan, becoming the Hulkimate Warrior. The combined powers of the 80's idols are too much for Macho, who in defeat turns to hang out with the APA. They merely respond: "No, man. Damn!"

The Hulkimate Warrior rampages through the backstage, destroying all in his path including Big Show's newly-baked pineapple upside-down cake. This enrages the giant and he confronts the Hulkimate one. Unfortunately for Show, the Warrior is too powerful and promptly absorbs the world's largest athlete.

Shortly thereafter, a menacing figure appears in the ring and proclaims himself to be "the most awesome force in the universe, brother". He introduces himself as the Hulkimate Showior. As the audience quakes in fear, the McMahons make their way to ringside and begin to quadruple-team the menace. Things look dire for the first family of wrestling, when suddenly we hear J.R. from the announce table stutter "Good God King! Look! It's Robocop! Robocop has come to save the WWE!" Indeed, Robocop has come to save the WWE from the Hulkimate Showior. He runs into the ring and hits the Showior with a Robostunner. 1-2-3! The winner and new champion of everything is... Stone Cold Steve Austin? The pay-per-view goes off the air as Robocop removes his helmet and J.R. seemingly has a heart attack while he screams "STONE COLD! STONE COLD! ROBOCOP IS THE DAMN RATTLES...STO...C-C-C...AUSTIN!"

*** SUPREME SPOILER END ***

Sounds like a kick-ass Wrestlemania to me! I hope that answers your question, Burtonium. Thanks for writing!

- Colin (invincibleironman@hotmail.com)